Random rambling...

It was a lovely evening. Moonlight gently bathed the roads in the absence of the streetlight which flickered pathetically till it mercifully died. I switched off the lights in my room, as I always do on full moon nights, so I could see the patch of silvery moonlight that filtered through the window and fell across the foot of my bed.

The radio played some obscure songs and radio jockeys tried hard to come across as sparkling personalities through mere modulations of the voice. I love listening to the radio. Especially through those pocket transistors. The sound quality has an adorable old-times feel to it. More specifically it takes me to the times when Baba (my grandfather) would sit at his desk at home, listening to his transistor and writing little notes to himself in his special handwriting which was conscientiously neat, yet terribly cramped because he hated wasting space and he’d do those fancy cursive writing things as well. Add to that a lot of pressure exerted through his ball point pen and you’d know what Baba’s handwriting was like.

As I sat at the foot of my bed in the “moonlight spot” and looked out of the window, I got around to thinking about how I’ve changed as an individual in the last three years. Other than the fact that I’ve learnt a whole lot of cool stuff from friends I made in college, I realized that there’s been this very obvious shift in my mindset and thought processes.

Strangely, I’m able to answer some of the questions that rattled around in my sore head 2 years back.

http://imunleashed.blogspot.com/2005/02/questions-unanswered.html

acn, whoever you are, and if you’re still reading my blogs, I know what you mean now and I completely agree. Life, love and compatibility definitely are very subjective issues. There is no one-size-fits-all in these cases. Only thing that makes sense is to find out what they mean to you and take it from there.

So far, love and marriage to me have almost been synonymous. But I guess, love needn’t always lead to marriage. No, I guess not. As much as the very concept of idea puzzled me and even frightened me at times, the fact that I can choose what I want marriage to mean to me is a huge relief. I don’t really consider hormones and “the rush” to be reliable compasses in this aspect. I don’t need chemistry, I need companionship. I don’t care if the man doesn’t make me go weak at the knees but I definitely want him to be there when I fall. The idea of marrying someone who can converse, make me laugh and listen patiently appeals more to me than someone who can effectively deliver charming one-liners.

Another aspect that has changed in gargantuan proportions is my perception of friendship. I didn’t quite get the fact that I was supposed to ignore those who judged me for stupid things like “she wears huge oversized t-shirts and has huge spectacle frames”. I thought I was supposed to do everything I could to “fit in”. Thanks to the Landlord of the Cosmos, I met people in college who changed it around for me. Not that they don’t know my shortcomings, not that they haven’t confronted me about it. Not that we’ve never disagreed. But no matter how we’ve angered each other, we’ve always got around to talking and liking each other all over again. Its such a comforting and strangely enlightening revelation that despite differences, people can still be friends, lovers, spouses.

Also the “wanting what I can’t/ shouldn’t have” syndrome has gone away. Sru called me a ‘fighter’. Little does she know that I’ve been fighting all the wrong wars till very recently.

Life’s strange. The answers are always around right in front of us. Yet we choose to ignore them completely till we’re ready for the knowledge. And almost always, we’re never ready till we’ve put ourselves through considerable pain and misery. Hmmm