Speak with your eyes
so my soul may hear;
speak unspoken words of love
Talk to my heart
and allay every fear,
send it soaring to the sky above

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wrote this bit and just couldn't write more....symptoms of block still very persistent...will finish it at a later date....in the meanwhile,just couldn't help publishing :)

photo courtesy:T-Man

end of the long road

Its quite literally the end of final year.The last day seems perilously close and yet so tantalisingly far away.We are all anxious to "get the hell outta college" on one hand and yet a quiet nagging worry about the course of the future holds us back.To add to it all,the authorities decide to stretch the last weeks further and consequently stretching our collective patience like an extra-gooey bubblegum.

Strangley,instead of getting all mushy and sentimental about the good times coming to an end,we snap and snarl at each other,angrily muttering "I'll be so glad to get rid of YOU" under our breaths every now and then.Tempers explode frequently and suddenly the classroom is a hostile place.Maybe it was never a haven but then the common objective of enduring 3 tortourous years had somehow kept us all together and ensured tolerance and some amount of cooperation.

A lot of us are unsure of where life will take us beyond graduation day.The rest of us know,but the knowledge doesn't seem to make it easier.The anxiety is almost palpable.The extra pressure loaded on by lecturers makes it a zillion times worse.At the end of the course,we're left just as disoriented as we were when we stepped into college.Maybe even worse.

If i were asked what I've learnt from this course,I'd have to give a it a good thought.A really good,long hard thought. Some of the things I've come to realize in the last three years

1. If you don't have survival instincts,you better have a darn good best friend



2. Authorities will NEVER have a completely good impression about you.Its more worthwhile doing what pleases you



3. If you have a lot of group projects,practice diplomacy like nobody's business



4. Even if the person sitting next to you picks his/her nose,there a lot of things you could enjoy together



5. Self-promotion is all important if you want to be recognised



6. You can hurl insults and be really good friends with the same person



7. Expect politics everywhere



8. If you aren't well versed about "the birds and the bees",go read the graffiti on the toilet walls.Chances are they are much more enlightening than that dumb illustrated encyclopaedia at home

Call it fate or whatever, I somehow am a part of a 5 piece group,where each one of us have completely contrasting personalities. That of course has ensured that we've done some of the best projects in class.It has also ended up in some unhappy disagreements. We've all been annoyed with each other at some point or the other.But there have also been times when there's that single moment of bonding that makes one grin like an idiot and feel nice.

AR,T,AJ,H-I'd never claim to know you guys completely in and out.Thats impossible.But I have learnt quite a bit and as much as I'm longing to leave college,there are times when there is a quiet unease that these are probably the last times I'll walk into class,my eyes seeking for your familiar faces.Probably the last times I'll say 4 hellos before sliding between the last table and bench.The last times when I'll sit with you guys on the sand on the ground,cribbing about how boring and expensive canteen food has become.There won't be anymore birthdays with the not-so-surprising surprise birthday cake.

No grinning at double-meaning jokes with T and discussing some 'artistic' things.No baby talk and silly acting with AR.No bossing over AJ and making fun of her.No smacking my forehead and rolling eyes at H's sardarji jokes.No looking scandalised and embarassed looks at her notoriously loud laughter.No collective groaning when given extra work.

Its gonna be weird,you guys...

Love,

the fire-breathing-bad-tempered dragon.

Where did the words go....?

Day 1:
Its 7am and I try to summon some amount of will to get out of bed.In that state of semi-consciousness,my mind drifts from one thought to another out its own volition.
"the bed feels so nice and comfortable..."
"assignment submission today..."
"the bed feels so nice and warm...."
"I hate that bitch...she makes life so painful..."
"this pillow is such a blessing"
"its been so long since i wrote...."
SNAP!!!
The last thought is disturbing and gets me up and about faster than my mom when she wields a ladle

Day 2:

A free hour in college.The class is chaotic to see the least.Fish markets seem more serene in comparison.One group of girls in the front racuously crack lewd jokes and laugh,causing the others to stuff their fingers in their ears as far as they'll go.One gang sits around singing Hindi songs and dancing enthusiastically every now and then.Another bunch of "young ladies" vigourously run up and down the classroom in a bizarre game of "snatch your neighbour's dupatta".
We sit at the back,observing the amusing developments from vantage point and laughing silently.Inspired by the humour,I dig into my bag and produce a notebook which contains half-baked ideas from my previous attempts to write.I sit poised,pen open and ready,waiting for words to rush into my head the way they always do.Only this time they don't.I shake my head once or twice and sit expectantly.Then I try and force the process.It ends in the book being angrily stuffed back in and a scowl settling on my face.

...................

Day 'god-knows-what':

IIT Saarang 2007.Decibels.
T and I are among the few fools who are seated right under the sun.As the sun slowly bakes us, we watch as bands get on and offstage.We make brief comments and nod occasionally.When really good bands play,we 'head-bang' enthusiastically.Inspiration grips me again and I dig in T's bag till I unearth a pen.An abandoned music sheet gets picked off the floor.I make notes about the good songs and the bands.When asked, I say its for the new post on my blog.

At the end of the day,the paper is forgotten in T's bag and the bag dutifully returned to its owner.



Its frustrating,this writer's block...the very thought of sitting with a paper and pen or a blank word document brings on the emptiness. A complete lack of words. With it comes a sense of inadequacy. There's definitely no dearth of subjects or ideas. On the contrary, there have been too many, all shelved for too long. Now they are nothing but dust ; a gnawing void that eats me everyday. It even makes me a little guilty. Like writing is a duty that I have failed to do. Soon common sense kicks in, says "what nonsense,get a grip and get on with life". I do just that since its rather convenient as well. And the paper remains blank, waiting for someone to make its existence purposeful.